Profaning Politeness
I don’t mind all that much being approached in shopping centres by people trying to sell things or solicit donations to charities. I don’t like being rung up on the phone, and I don’t like being approached on a public street (which has been happening more and more regularly on Sydney Road recently), but in a commercial shopping centre you’re in a private space, so it’s reasonable that when you wander in you should expect to be bombarded with advertising and crass attempts to make you spend money. There’s no reason why a certain amount of touting shouldn’t be a part of that.
What I really detest, though, is when the touts try to use my sense of decency and politeness to effectively manipulate me into a conversation (that is, to force me to spend time listening to their sales pitch whether I like it or not). Today, a gentleman soliciting donations to the Cancer Council saw me approaching, reached out his hand and said “Hi, what’s your name?” In this context, I think that question is bloody rude, because it leaves me with no way of politely moving on. If a marketer comes and asks for a moment of my time, then I’m free to smile and say no thankyou without having to breach any social etiquette. When someone asks my name, though, it’s impolite to just ignore them, and it’s a non-sequitur to say “No thankyou”. Of course, that’s why he’s asking – it’s not because he likes my face and thinks I might be good to have as a friend.
I hate this not just because it leaves me in an awkward social position when all I wanted to do was wander into Coles for a packet of Weet Bix. I also hate it because I’d like to live in a society where casual social interaction with strangers, like stretching out a hand and asking someone’s name, happened more often. When an individual takes a particular form of manners and cynically uses it to further a commercial objective, it makes all of us a degree more wary and less inclined to respond in a sincere way to anyone who really does want to make friends. Using this kind of language as a sales tactic intrudes upon the whole concept of good manners, and that’s what makes it rude.
It’s similar, actually, to the way in which John Howard manipulates the concept of mateship and “Australian values” to build a false and cynical connection with those whose decent sensibilities he is trying to exploit. It’s not just that it’s dishonest and that it creates election outcomes that I don’t like. It’s also that it erodes the very meaning of those concepts. Mateship and hard work and sporting prowess and honour in wartime were all fundamentally positive aspects of our common understanding of “Australianness” before Howard got his hands on them. Now, it’s hard to even mention them without subconsciously recoiling, knowing the evils that have been visited on this country under the cover of Honest John’s Decent Australian Values.
2 Comments
- Suzette replied:
I couldn’t agree more. I’ve just had a guy walk into my front yard while I was practising tai chi and ask for a donation to a charity. I said, ‘not today, thanks’, to which he replied, ‘Is it because you can’t afford to?’ There are so many things wrong with that! I told him I gave to several different charities and couldn’t give to them all and he moved on without further word. I then had to finish my tai chi with this annoying exchange repeating through my head. Ugh.
August 14th, 2006 at 4:24 pm. Permalink.
- mim replied:
It seems we coincidentally share the same concerns this week. I found it so disturbing in New York having to avoid eye contact with expert teams of Charity Collectors. Not even being allowed (at the advice of the seasoned New Yorker at my side) to respond in ANY WAY lest it be used as a hook. It feels wrong, especially seeing as the person is doing something essentially good, to be so rude. But the alternative is spending up to ten blocks with someone running sideways with you trying to continue conversation which you were too polite to avoid.
August 18th, 2006 at 7:05 am. Permalink.